Raven's Journal.....

[Raven♫Cameo]

<sub>I, really don't know where to start. I thought doing a journal would help me sort my thoughts out and get everything straight in my head. I have the link off in my head from Hollywood, I think he's a sleep because I feel no panic.

I have him blocked off, because... I keep things from him. I keep, the fact that my heart grows fonder over him every day. He gives me my self esteem back. He lets me feel lighter, care free almost. He lets me feel normal and safe... I would do anything for him.

I owe him my life and more.

It's late, and... I think it's Tuesday. The only reason I'm not for sure if it's a Tuesday is because I don't know the time. I really don't want to look because I don't want to know just how much sleep I am getting. The alarm clock is by my mirror across from where i'm looking at.

My nightmare was one of the usual ones I get... the what if dreams. Of course mines always focused on what if Hollywood didn't save me. What if he was too late, and I had already ended my life, or what if he just never came, and I had to still be living there, because they took away my means of self destruction.

Well, Journal... I think I need to get this off my chest. I need to get out the truth of why I hate humans.. What they did to me, and what I will try my hardest to prevent to ever let happen to anyone else like me.

Aisilyn said if I can come to terms with this, maybe I can help others like my self. I think writing this out, and remembering will help me do this, so bear with me.

The beginning of the end</sub>

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I think I was around five, maybe a tiny bit before. It was snowing outside, and I just was loving it. Dancing in the snow was my favorite thing to do when I was little. My neighbor was outside at the time... Mr. Willis was his name. He had always had a eye on me since I could remember. He knew something was off about me. The snow flakes weren't falling anywhere else but around me.

The next thing I knew, Mr. Willis was gone and there was a large black SUV heading twords me, when men in white coats came out pulling me in there with them. I remember screaming out for my mother and father, then a sharp pain in the back of my head, then blackness.

When I woke up, the pain was dull but still there. I was naked and strapped to all of these machines. I started crying,... I was so scared. I screamed for my parents till my voice was raspy and horse. The men there told me there was no hope, that my mother and father would never find me, and the sooner I accepted that the better...

They started sticking things to me cutting into me, until I started freezing the floor. I don't know how I did it, but they started slipping and sliding, then randomly laughing, and giggling. Some puked. Later I learned that it was caused by my power to intoxicate people. Making them feel Drunk, or Stoned.

But a mutant, came in hit me hard across the face, then drained me of everything... I was having a hard time breathing. It was like trying to inflate one of those punching balloons. My lungs felt so stiff.


I don't remember much after that, the next few months were so repetitive and in such a blur. I kept getting thrown into what I guess i could call my room. Four large concert walls, and the floor was the same. It had a window but it was barred over and it couldn't open. The view was nothing but a single tree that was near death, its limbs were normally very bare and brittle but it with held against even the strongest wind, and for some reason, I felt like I was that tree. I could with stand what ever these humans put up against me, no matter how weak I looked. I would be strong


Well sorry journal. That's the end for this entry. I can feel Hollywood waking up, and sleep is pulling me down. Good night. I can focus on Hal now, so I can sleep peacefully. Wish me luck, I start teaching tomorrow.
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[Raven♫Cameo]

<sub>Another day, sorry it's been awhile. Hal's been staying up later then usual. His thoughts before bedtime have become my lullaby and it is the only one I will ever need. There so soothing to me for some reason, no matter what there about. Most of the time were talking but, sometimes I just stay quiet and listen to him. I love the sound of his voice...

Hell, I love him

I guess I've come to terms with that, but... Not so sure how he feels about me. He's always been a flirt, so why should I be any different? I'm nothing special. I have gifts curses. I can't control one of them, and the other to are really nothing important.

To me anyway.

Well back on trying to get this past out... I really don't want to. I just don't want to think about it right now, but, if Aisilyn thinks it will help, I'm willing to do anything.

Bury all my secrets into my skin.</sub>

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I was getting used to my powers by now, and had been living with the sadistic humans for about seven to eight years now. I was almost thirteen. I was about to start the worst part of my stay...

It started off as another routine day, they woke me up, drug me out of my room and down the hall. I remember I had a piece of broken glass in my foot that time. They really didn't care about the captives hygiene or well being as long as they were alive they didn't mind.

It was a normal examination. They made me freeze water, then unfreeze it and drink it, to prove there was no change in it. That I didn't poison it. I had to talk with my mouth closed, which I didn't mind that... I was slowly loosing my willingness to even speak with my voice. I usually got hit for it, so what was the use?

I got dragged back into my room, and thrown inside with more force than usual. I hit my knees hard, so hard I knew one of them was bleeding before I even bothered to look. I heard the door shut and I went to get up and get the glass out of my foot but I felt a hand on neck... Turning around to face the person, I felt my self get drained of my powers...As soon as I went to scream for help, a mouth went over mine...

It was all becoming to clear of what was about to happen. I started to fight as hard as I could, but I was small and weak. I didn't have any of my powers. I was pinned against the wall, so hard my head hit against it hard, and I grew disorientated. I wasn't aware that my clothing that was no more then mere rags to begin with were being torn away from me.

When he let go of me, I knew it wasn't over, and I tried to run away, but after his pants were down, he grabbed me by my hair and threw me into my bed.

I found no pleasure in loosing my virtue. I remember no love in the marks that man left on me. I had no one to cry out for, that would care about what was going on to me. When he was done with me, he left, saying he hoped I wouldn't conceive a child.

The weird thing is, I don't remember tears, not after he left. I just remember anger. So much anger that it wielded up in my chest, and made it hard for me to breath. I never wanted so badly to kill a person, as I did that night. When my powers came back to me, my room was coated in ice. I didn't sleep that night or the night after that. I just sat there on my bed, looking at the few blood droplets on my sheet. That was what was left of the little girl that they captured. Every ounce of happiness was gone from me then. All the hope, and the prayers that my family would one day find me.

When I looked out to see my tree, it was gone. My tree, that gave me strength was gone. It had gave into the wind, and the only trace left of it was a tiny portion of the trunk.

I truly had nothing left anymore.


Well that's enough for tonight my dear journal. I'm tired... Good night. I will write more soon, I just can't reminisce anymore. I hope you understand.

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